Prose by JANIS BUTLER HOLM & Art by DAVE SIMS
Memo to Barbie: Re the Breakup
by Janis Butler Holm
A Thousand Furious Strokes, digital painting, 2019, by Dave Sims
1. Let us make the announcement. Let us explain that you and Ken will always be good friends. Let us suggest that his replacement is waiting in the wings. Say nothing about the situation to anyone.
2. Prepare for jokes about mid-life crises and the “perfect plastic couple”—how the bridal gown is yellowing in your closet, how Ken doesn’t have the equipment, how he’s worn more costumes than the Village People, how the sex tape must have proved too much. Be ready for crude remarks about Chuckie, the Power Rangers, GI Joe, and trolls. Smile and say nothing.
3. Prepare for the moral outrage of those who don’t like change: “she’s failed as a role model,” “separation shouldn’t be a publicity stunt,” “I remember when Barbie meant something,” “isn’t one Britney enough?” Do not address such comments. Do not defend yourself.
4. Get a makeover. Recall that you first won hearts in a swimsuit, and tell yourself you can do it again. Think California. Think beach bunny. Find the tiniest bikini top possible. Smile sunnily during the photo shoots.
5. Start selling yourself. Bring in the money, now. Remember what you owe us: we made you, we own you, there are younger ones dying to take your place. Don’t tell us you’re tired. Get out there and do your job. Think profits. Think performance. Think it’s your last chance, bitch.
Janis Butler Holm has served as Associate Editor for Wide Angle, the film journal, and currently works as a writer and editor in sunny Los Angeles. Her prose, poems, and performance pieces have appeared in small-press, national, and international magazines. Her plays have been produced in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
A retired educator, Dave Sims makes art and music in the mountains of central Pennsylvania. His comix and paintings both old-school and digital appear upon the walls, covers and inside pages of over sixty tactile and virtual exhibits and publications. His guitar playing and singing still leave listeners shaking their heads in disbelief, while his totems continue to catch the eyes of many strangers. Experience more at www.tincansims.com